Fashions Faux Foe Vs Fashions Friend
As Sydney starts to chill and we edge towards winter, ironically the Spring/Summer collections are being tweaked and finished for the start of Fashion Week. The temperature plummets as does the enthusiasm of some invitees I call them ‘the Faux” whilst for others- “The Enthusiasts”, it is when their core temperature will rise and the moment they live for is upon them for yet another year or the next 30 minutes of a shows collection.
There are You can categorise yourself as a faux or enthusiast judged on your excitement level when you receive your invite and your behaviour during the actual show.
Starting with The Faux, they are as chilly as the changing season and their air kisses barely make the mercury pulsate on the thermometer. They could not care less about being at a fashion event and are not afraid to show it and can amp it up a notch in the company of an enthusiast.
A Faux will perch and stare down their noses through the eye frames that are created by mostly European Fashion houses. Whether they need glasses for reading or for seeing is not relevant. Some may or may not fit or afford a Chanel suit but by god they will wear the label in any other way possible even by way of perfume- this is applied to enthusiasts too.
Some of them are like reluctant parishioners, dragged to church sitting there and feigning an interest whenever a camera or the gaze of the Designer is cast upon them. Designers are the high Priests or Priestess’s of the congregation, held in the highest of regard by those whom subscribe to their holy “cloth”. The Faux and The Enthusiast can either secretly believe that the Designer can be a satanic symbol. The uber Faux can be so evil in that they feel that they themselves are not of the heavenly calibre to afford these designs and they can feel condemned to fashion hell for not having the figure or finesse to wear them- but they wouldn’t dare show a lapse in their super human ability to uphold their impenetrable exteriors.
The faux sit and eye the models that grace these runways and consciously or not can compete in a battle with the models in a face-off - who wears the greatest scowl- the models are the superior beings after all they are adorned in couture. The faux acknowledge they themselves are more likely to be able to afford or obtain for free from their friend -the designer.
Ironic that the warmer tones of Spring/Summer collections are being shown and the faux will remain staunch when on show as their icy and motionless expressions, remain jaded: as it is NEVER out of style. With a blatant disrespect for the matter the hours of neither work nor the detail in the garments seem to ever please or enthral as they are passed by on the runway. The thought of wearing the designers clothing may rarely cross their mind nor would they feel compelled to even wear the designer in any effort of support.
Their ‘uniform’ consists of various hues that range from grey to black, they colour block- Literally! No colours, they completely block them, no prints and if black lipstick didn’t render them “witchy they would coat their barely present pressed lips with it.
Anna Wintour the editor of “Vogue” in the U.S has a global army whom tries to emulate her. Ms Wintour has her uniform for the battlegrounds of fashion week and she is almost militant in her styling and with her gaze. She is ready for battle with her helmet hair, her armour of floral prints, only leaving her arms to be quite vulnerable and the fur of an animal she could kill with her steely stare alone. Anna Wintour will often arm herself with a Talley, in the form of the ample Andre Leon Talley. Talley is flamboyant gentleman, who is, demure as a kitten, swipes like a lion and as venomous than the deadliest snake.
The “Army of Anna Wintour” is too, poised for battle. They emulate the arbiter of fashion, they have their helmet hair dos and their protective eyewear that shield them from harsh light and gives the room a hint that they resemble some importance in the fashion world.
The Enthusiasts are fashions friend and friends till the bitter end. They see and appreciate the art of the collections and as if they themselves created them from scratch can feel a sense of familiarity with them too. Sadly it seems to be the trend that the Enthusiasts tend to be positioned further from the runway, only as we rarely see a smiling face or a face in total awe of the show in the media. To position them so far from view is quite possibly a conscious decision as to not be tempted to charge towards the couture and be could up in a moment of hysterical blindness and (earth shatteringly) man handle the collection. They applaud in a restrained manner as to not aggravate the wasp personality traits of the faux and frustratingly remain seated when the Designer takes their bow at the end of the show.
They are the opposite of the Faux, these people are the ones who can live for a year on the whiff of an embellishment on the chest, shoulder or hipbone and gorge on the sparkle and the sound of a floor length gown being taken down the catwalk weakens their knees.
The enthusiast will race to their seats especially if they spot a goodie bag. The bags sustain them for the week, a Fashion Week survival kit. They are too excited to eat much any way but they will nibble on the freebie until the next show and the glasses of bubbles consumed are purely for hydration.
They envy the models life and are capable of perceiving that this is always how glamorous she is and that her make up is this flawless every morning when she rolls out of bed at 11 am and collects ten thousand dollars.
They are like the excited “Aunties” of the collections, the show is almost like the designer giving birth to these precious “babies” that are to be loved, adored and handled like a newborn baby. After all in the lead up to these fashion week shows, the enthusiasts are the ones whom are paddling in the deep end of the endorphin pool, pondering what to expect and predicting the colour palettes of their favourite designers.
It is note worthy that the Faux and Enthusiasts can share a love of gay men. A gay man is the perfect accessory for any fashion related event whether it is a fashion week showcase or a shopping excursion; they have the stamina and endurance to last the week or the whole day respectively.
An enthusiast or a Faux will sit there dying to tell anyone that will listen that they have a “stylist”, in a way they are correct as the homosexual man is mentally undressing his “doll” and picturing her in all that walks in the shows.
The gay man will encourage an enthusiast and inflate their ego (in an honest and heartfelt way) by way of nudging when something fitting for the wardrobe glides past them both. It is meant to be when the enthusiast locks eyes with her gay man; the timing precision is flawless as are the synchronised gasps.
* Written by a self confessed, heterosexually impaired enthusiast
